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Most people realize that when you cheat on your spouse, there are more people than just you and your spouse involved. Infidelity actually affects many lives. It affects you and your spouse's life and your marriage, of course. But it also affects the life of the other woman, the life of her spouse (if she has one,) and the lives of any children of the cheating spouses. AsiaCharm.com Reviews Now, not every child finds out about the infidelity. And I always encourage anyone in this situation not to involve their children. But sometimes, children do find out and they can have a very negative reaction to this.
I might get a comment like: "I
made the mistake of cheating on my wife. She was so hurt about this that she
let it slip to my kids. Well, now I am always catching my kids rolling their
eyes at me and making snide comments. My kids avoid me whenever possible. The
other day, one of the kids smarted off to me and I told him that I wouldn't
stand for that kind of behavior. He told me that he doesn't care what I say
anymore because he has no respect for me because of what I have done to his
mother. It's hard for me to have an answer for this. I have disrespected their
mother by cheating AsiaCharm on her.
And I can see their thinking that because of this, I don't deserve their
respect. But part of me thinks that I deserve their respect simply because I am
their parent. Is this fair? Will my kids ever respect me again?"
I hear themes of respect over and
over again. Sometimes, the faithful spouse has lost all respect for the
cheating spouse. And sometimes, it is friends, coworkers, and family members
that have lost this respect. I am always deeply against involving your children
in the infidelity and this is one reason why. But once the child learns of it,
there is no going back. You can't reasonably expect for the child to pretend
that he doesn't know what he knows. And, it's usually quite upsetting to the
child, who will often feel very defensive and protective toward his parent who
has been betrayed.
You can understand this, of course.
If someone hurt your children, you would likely lose respect for that person
also. Just for a second, think about how this person might earn your respect
back. Well, AsiaCharm.com first of all, they would likely give you a
very heartfelt apology and with their words and with their actions they would
convince you that they are truly remorseful. Then, they would work very hard to
regain your trust by acting in a way that is trustworthy to both you and to the
person that they hurt.
As you might suspect, this process
takes time. You have to earn the trust back. And, this is my only my opinion,
but while I believe that while you can require your children to treat you with
respect, you can't force them to respect your actions. They are going to have
their own opinions and perceptions. Of course, these same perceptions and
opinions can change as your behaviors change and they start to see that your
new behaviors are worthy of respect.
However, it's my opinion that if
you try to force this on your children or you try to be overly strict about
this topic, you may only make the lack of respect and the anger even worse.
Instead, I might try a conversation like this: "what you say has some
validity. I haven't acted in such a way to earn your respect when it comes to
marriage. And I am deeply sorry about that. But, I am going to make this right
again. Over time, I intend to show you that I can be a good husband and father
again. I made a terrible mistake. But I am going to prove that I can and will
work tirelessly to rebuild our family. In the meantime, you don't have to
respect what I did, but you have to treat me with respect just as every member
of this household needs to treat every other member with respect. That is part
of being a family and living under the same roof. Finally, I want for you to
know that my mistake had nothing to do with my love for and commitment to you.
My marital mistake is one that I will work out with your mother. But I will
never stop being your father. And my love for you never changed."
After that, try to have some
patience. With time and with seeing that you are truly sorry, are truly
sincere, and truly intend to make good on your promises, the respect should
eventually return. It may take some time. But with a lot of work, love, and
patience, trust and respect can be restored after the affair as long as you
show that you deserve the same. You have to understand that your wife and
children did nothing wrong. So it is up to you to make this right. It is really
not up to them.
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