When you want more "sex" than he wants, it does not merely reflect your issues in the bedroom or your sex-life.
Issues about not having the sex or
intimacy you want start outside the bedroom and go back to thinking we can't
get what we want in our love life.
Love is much more than sex. Sex is
much more than love.
Love includes flirting, playing,
longing, delayed gratification, free hookup
sites consummating our desires and more.
In longer term dating and
relationships, your partner is going to go through phases where they are not so
hot for you or where there hormones and love chemicals go through changes. The
drop in attraction to our partner is part of creating tension in a
relationship, so you can begin the whole cycle of pushing your love away and
you can have the feelings of longing and delayed gratification that go along
with the "courtship" or hunting phase of looking for a partner.
There's nothing as hot as
"make-up" love after a fight or seeing your partner after a long
period of time away from each other. Why? Because we still want that feeling of
"not getting what we want" free hookup
sites and then dispelling that longing by "getting what we
want". Believing you can't have something and then finally winning that
sort after desire triggers all the reward hormones in your brain and body. And
satisfies our needs that start from childhood of feeling we are wanted, desired
and attractive.
Remember when you were a teenager
and you really liked a guy, but you couldn't go up to him or thought he was
"out of your league". When you don't get what we want in your
relationship, all and any of your insecurities about being attractive or
"enough" for your desired love will be triggered. It takes a lot of
awareness of your fears of rejection or fears of not being enough to move
outside the trap of thinking there's something wrong with you.
As soon as you start thinking
there's something wrong with you - this is your cue - to take a step back and
ask: what am I feeling and what do I really want.
When you see what your feeling, you
can put aside the older fears of insecurity and respond from a clearer space
that says: "OK, how can I get creative, playful and light-hearted about
this situation?" Pick Me
Girl You aren't going to make problems in the bedroom go away by
being heavy hearted. So better to find a place where you can at least laugh and
be creative about it.
For a guy it can be quite
intimidating if he thinks you want more sex than he can provide.
For a woman, the real problem is
often the quality of sex, not the quantity of sex. Women prefer to have their
whole body adored and pleasured and not just focus on coital intercourse. Men
often equate "enough sex" with coital intercourse.
Part of any woman's challenge is to
educate their man on the quality of love-making that she wants. Most women want
cuddles and men can provide that. But after that there is a lot more of
pleasuring for a woman that can be explored.
Another challenge is finding out
how your partner can "talk" about intimacy and love-making. Some men
and women can't even stand talking about love-making because all of their
insecurities get triggered.
A man's responsibility is to learn
what he can do to pleasure his woman. Not what he thinks will make her happy.
A woman's responsibility is to
playfully be available to pleasure her man in ways that teach him love-making
is so much more than coital pleasure. It's challenging for women to be playful
if they are not satisfied with their intimacy because women can get so
frustrated when they are not treated well in regards to their body's pleasuring
and their passion for more intimate love-making.
For women to teach her man in a
light hearted way, aim to not trigger any feelings in the guy that he "has
to please" you or that he's not doing "good enough". When a man
feels pressured to perform or please - he just can't tap into his natural
ability to give love.
And women, when you are frustrated
about not being satisfied in love, channel any frustration into understanding
any unfulfilled desires you have to be loved, desired, honored and adored.
Sometimes the frustration you feel with your lover is not just about him/her -
it's really about unrequited feelings from all those early childhood desires
and earlier romances/relationships.
Go off by yourself and experience
being understood by yourself. You can enlist the help of friends, or connect to
your body with dance and yoga, but avoid taking feelings of frustration to your
partner without having some time to understand your feelings first. I've found
that when I go off by myself and connect to what I'm feeling instead of
blabbing my feelings at him, my partner changes his approach to me, becomes
playful and intimacy just happens organically.
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